So I'm pretty much a dreamer, I would totally love to travel the world and just be free, ya know? I mean who doesn't want to discover the land and find out what hidden secrets you find out about yourself?
The thing is I know it's not in the cards for me unless I'm with Ro of course, he can do anything he wants it's like no one can touch him. He just goes around doing whatever and no one questions him really. We go to parties all the time, we stay out late and as long as I'm with him it's like I'm untouchable as well.
Jacob's parents were severely disappointed in him but he got it expunged off of his record. Obviously his parents have weight (money ) and know people who know people. It was all cleared up before his school even got wind of it, lucky bastard. Ro and Jacob are the two luckiest people I have ever met in my life. They just do whatever and nothing, I mean nothing happens to them except a little slap on the wrist.
I wish it were the case for me, if my parents ever found out half the things I do.... well I don't want to think about what they'd do to me. Lets just not talk about it and say we did.. agreed? Agreed.
So back to my dreams..
I'd love to travel
I'd love to have a whirl wind romance with some hot Italian lover
I'd love to live on a vineyard or some type of farm for a short while
I'd love to wake up next to the ocean for a whole year
I'd love to own my own bakery.
Yeah I said it, a bake shop.. what of it?
I love to bake it really calms me for some reason..
Maybe it has to do with when I was younger I used to bake with my dad on my birthdays. We'd bake cupcakes, a cake, cookies and apple turnovers. No we never really ate all of it but it gave us all the reason for me to have a birthday party so all these pastries would go mom never liked leftovers.
Maybe some day my dreams will come true?
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Take it slow
Shit. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Fuckkkkkk...
Everything is so messed up and it all happened in the past twenty four hours. How could he be so stupid?
Jacob was arrested last night for being drunk in public and of course the cops searched him. Well what did they find on him? WEED! So now he is locked up for possesion as well! Damn it Damn it Damn it!
We were out partying it up and some how he wandered away from the party drunk as hell. The cops found him walking along side of the road a few blocks away and pulled over. Apparently he was slurring like he just had an epileptic attack so the cops knew instantly he was drunk. Now of course Jacob is of age so they were just like okay we'll drive you home, but when they saw he was from New York they knew they had a little problem. So they were just going to take him in a holding cell to just sleep it off and have someone get him in the morning, no big deal. Well Jacob started to resist getting in the car and that is when they were going to take him in, in. Then when they got to the station they checked his pockets and BINGO the weed was found! So now they really had to take him in for possession. So now Jacob is in the slammer and he had to call his parents to come bail him out. I just have a feeling they are going to know it was me and Ro involved some how. I mean he came to sleep over Ro's place last night we were just supposed to hang out till about 1 at some party and then peace out, have a nice time out. Jacob obviously pushed it too far and now he's in big trouble. I just don't know what this is going to do with him being in school to be a lawyer? I mean do you get kicked out because you were arrested for possession? Ugh, I just feel horrible :(
Everything is so messed up and it all happened in the past twenty four hours. How could he be so stupid?
Jacob was arrested last night for being drunk in public and of course the cops searched him. Well what did they find on him? WEED! So now he is locked up for possesion as well! Damn it Damn it Damn it!
We were out partying it up and some how he wandered away from the party drunk as hell. The cops found him walking along side of the road a few blocks away and pulled over. Apparently he was slurring like he just had an epileptic attack so the cops knew instantly he was drunk. Now of course Jacob is of age so they were just like okay we'll drive you home, but when they saw he was from New York they knew they had a little problem. So they were just going to take him in a holding cell to just sleep it off and have someone get him in the morning, no big deal. Well Jacob started to resist getting in the car and that is when they were going to take him in, in. Then when they got to the station they checked his pockets and BINGO the weed was found! So now they really had to take him in for possession. So now Jacob is in the slammer and he had to call his parents to come bail him out. I just have a feeling they are going to know it was me and Ro involved some how. I mean he came to sleep over Ro's place last night we were just supposed to hang out till about 1 at some party and then peace out, have a nice time out. Jacob obviously pushed it too far and now he's in big trouble. I just don't know what this is going to do with him being in school to be a lawyer? I mean do you get kicked out because you were arrested for possession? Ugh, I just feel horrible :(
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Holy Hell Guys
I am so so sorry for leaving you like this for such a very long time :(
Lets get into things |Cracks all knuckles and assumes the typing position| Takes a long Inhalation of this tabacco stick otherwise known as the cancer stick..
Okay so I no longer hang out with the same group of kids on a regular anymore well except for Cassie and Ro. I talk to Meghan in class and Peter at lunch but I don't really hang out with them. See they are so in love they do stuff on their own, every once in a blue they'll call us up to hang out but usually they keep to themselves. As for Kyle well we don't really talk at all anymore which is perfectly fine by me. I think he judges me a little with who I've become over the past few weeks.
Anyways rememeber Jacob the guy who goes to University in New York? Well he comes around a lot, Ro has been hanging out with him a ton more which means so have I. I know Jacob likes me, its pretty obvious when he's around me and Ro doesn't like it at all.
Ro and I are still on the whole friends stage, which I like way better than trying to be his girlfriend but he still gets jealous. When we go out to parties and guys hit on me I can feel him watching me like a hawk. Sometimes when he gets really drunk he tries to barge in our conversations but I don't let him intimidate anyone I'm talking to I just play it cool.
In ten days is my birthday and I am super excited because that means I am one year closer to getting my drivers license. I already talked to my parents and this summer I am going to get my permit and once school starts up again I will take driver's ed. It's after school which sucks major monkey balls but hey I want to drive so I have to do what I have to. For right now I'm content with Ro driving me around places but sometimes its gets a little tiring having to deal with him, especially since I know how he feels about me and well if I want to go some party to get my groove on I feel like I can't. Anyways it doesn't matter it's not like I lost my virginity just yet maybe 15 will be the year I lose it but then I think about it and to me that just seems slutty. I guess it will happen when it happens until then I am content with a little heavy petting :)
Alright I have got to go guys the bell is ringing! Toodles
Lets get into things |Cracks all knuckles and assumes the typing position| Takes a long Inhalation of this tabacco stick otherwise known as the cancer stick..
Okay so I no longer hang out with the same group of kids on a regular anymore well except for Cassie and Ro. I talk to Meghan in class and Peter at lunch but I don't really hang out with them. See they are so in love they do stuff on their own, every once in a blue they'll call us up to hang out but usually they keep to themselves. As for Kyle well we don't really talk at all anymore which is perfectly fine by me. I think he judges me a little with who I've become over the past few weeks.
Anyways rememeber Jacob the guy who goes to University in New York? Well he comes around a lot, Ro has been hanging out with him a ton more which means so have I. I know Jacob likes me, its pretty obvious when he's around me and Ro doesn't like it at all.
Ro and I are still on the whole friends stage, which I like way better than trying to be his girlfriend but he still gets jealous. When we go out to parties and guys hit on me I can feel him watching me like a hawk. Sometimes when he gets really drunk he tries to barge in our conversations but I don't let him intimidate anyone I'm talking to I just play it cool.
In ten days is my birthday and I am super excited because that means I am one year closer to getting my drivers license. I already talked to my parents and this summer I am going to get my permit and once school starts up again I will take driver's ed. It's after school which sucks major monkey balls but hey I want to drive so I have to do what I have to. For right now I'm content with Ro driving me around places but sometimes its gets a little tiring having to deal with him, especially since I know how he feels about me and well if I want to go some party to get my groove on I feel like I can't. Anyways it doesn't matter it's not like I lost my virginity just yet maybe 15 will be the year I lose it but then I think about it and to me that just seems slutty. I guess it will happen when it happens until then I am content with a little heavy petting :)
Alright I have got to go guys the bell is ringing! Toodles
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I'm Losing Touch
Okay so shits been crazy guys. Seriously I am so over this whole who is better than who bullshit. My Valentine's day was complete and utter bullshit.
It started out sweet when in the morning there was a single rose attached to my locker and chocolates in my locker. Of course Peter put it in there for Kyle but it was still sweet. I went through the whole day at school with a cheesy ass smile on my face. Then at 2 fucking 30 the whole thing changed with one simple text message.
Ro: Where are you? I am outside your school, I have a surprise for you :)
Ro came to surprise me with a dozen roses, a huge ass teddy bear and a bottle of wine. Seriously after all this time I have known you and this Valentine's day you actually remember! Of course Peter saw Ro giving me all the stuff and of course I get a text at 3 PM.
Kyle: We still meeting at the coffee shop today? Peter told me about RO.
So of course I made RO drive me home instantly. I also told RO I could not accept the gifts because he was not my Valentine.
Ro: Well your mine and I won't take the gifts back, so just take them.
I just rolled my eyes and decided to give my mom the Flowers and my Cousin the Teddy. As for the wine I was totally keeping that because it was my favorite wine and I really needed a damn drink. I texted Kyle back five minutes later
Me: Of Course Silly, OH yeah we need to talk about that. He's insane. I miss you , see you soon xoxo
Of course I had to reassure Kyle he was my valentine by sending him such a cute message. I get home tell RO to fuck off basically because he just pissed me off. I know he means well and is desparately trying to get my full attention but I thought we agreed to put this shit behind us and just be friends? Was I mistaken?
Anyways I get to the coffee shop around 3-20 ten minutes before we were supposed to meet. Turns out Kyle was already there and he was talking to Denise! So I walk in and decide that this better be absolutely fucking good. I walk over non-chalantly, kiss kyle on the cheek and sit down next to him. I smile at Denise, she looked pissed off and Kyle looks worried.
Kyle: Hey beautiful, how was school?
Me: It was awesome until I got out of School.
Kyle: Oh yeah, how did that go?
Me: Oh I have to tell you everything later on. I look over to Denise So... What's up I say directed at Denise. Wondering what the fuck this bitch was doing talking to my man at the coffee shop.
Denise: Oh just saying hi.
Me: Oh okay
Kyle: Uh it was lovely running into you Denise but we need to talk about some things in private, do you mind?
She looked shocked that he asked her to leave, like she expected to stay and then she just settled for a half smile and got up. Once she walked out of the coffee shop I inistantly turned to Kyle, waiting for the beautiful explaination on how she was begging for his forgiveness and mine.
Kyle: Uh, I just ran into her.
I scrutinize him even more, not saying a word but saying everything with my look
Kyle: Look I know she isn't your friend but I cannot be not nice to someone.
I give him a look like he is ludicrous for not having my back and hating her as much as I do. Who gives a fuck about manners, she's my enemy, fucking hate her with me or don't be with me.
Kyle: Say something please ?
Me: I'm sorry but I don't understand your logic.
Kyle: What?
Me: How can you not be mean to her?
Kyle: Listen I know you don't like her but she didn't do anything to me. I feel sorta bad for the girl
Me: What!
Kyle; the poor girl has no friends and well you punched her in the face
Me: She deserved it!
Kyle: Well no, not really, no one deserves to get punched.
Me: Are you FUCKING serious right now? She spit in my face!
Kyle; Well I think you should of been the bigger person and just walked away!
Me: Wow, just wow!
Kyle: Wow what?
Me: Had you told me this when things went down instead of I dunno, rushing to my side, things would of turned out differently
Kyle: OH Like how? You'd be with Ro right now instead of me?
Me: OH wow that's a low blow!
Kyle: It's the truth!
Me: No IT IS NOT! You fucking bastard to think I was going to tell you I loved you today. To think that I thought we could have a nice Valentine's day!
Kyle: Wait.. what did you say? Love ?
Me: And now, now you've gone and ruined the whole thing by thinking its okay to talk to Denise! Then you tell me I was wrong?!
Kyle: Wait slow down
Me: No , No I won't slow down. I am uberly pissed right now! I am leaving !
I grabbed my bag and high tailed out of that stupid Fucking Coffee Shop! Kyle was chasing after me calling out my name Mace, yelling at me to stop
-Wait Please stop! Come back we can talk about this ! Please ..
Me: I don't want to talk to you right now! Just leave me the fuck alone Kyle... I turn around and take his Valentine's day present. It's a painting of us together in Delaware on the beach. I throw it at him and storm off ..
Me: Happy fucking valentine's day Prick!
Kyle: Mace!!
Kyle called and texted me a bunch. Ro tried to call me to but I didn't want to see or talk to either of them. Meghan called me, left a message asking if I was okay and that she was worried. I am sure Kyle talked to Peter who then talked to Meghan who then called me to try to get me to talk to Kyle..
In school Peter tried to talk about the whole thing but I told him that I didn't feel like talking to him and that it's best if he didn't mention it for a while. I told Meghan I had to re-think some things. I bet Denise had a field day hearing about us storming out of the Coffee shop, she probably smirked all the way home thinking of how she ruined my relationship! What a CUNT!
I talked to Mr. Grey the other day about the whole thing and he said he understood. Then he told me I overreacted a bit but it was perfectly normal. He talked some sense into me and well I ended up texting Kyle to meet me at the park today.
We met up earlier today and we talked about everything. I told him I needed some space that this whole situation made me realize we really don't know each other that well.
Kyle: So what does this mean exactly? Are you not my girlfriend?
Me: I didn't know you considered me to be your girlfriend .
Kyle: Well I mean we've been hanging out almost every day, we make out a lot, we go on mini weekend trips together and well I would call that dating, no?
Me: Yeah well dating but you never officially asked me to be your girlfriend. Not that I think it's a good choice right now though.
Kyle: why is that?
Me: Well I mean after that blow up on Monday
Kyle: That was just a misunderstanding.
Me: No Kyle, it wasn't 'just a misunderstanding' It meant a lot to me that you would do that
Kyle: do what? Be nice to someone?
Me: NO, not just anyone, Her.
Kyle: Oh So because it was Denise it's a problem.. ?
Me: yeah, I mean She tried to pull us apart by telling you lies in the beginning. Then she spit in my face because she thought I was a traitor. She lied to her dad about me and to the school. She spread nasty rumors that I was prego with Ro's baby! She has done so many other things before you even came into my life and .. And
Kyle: But she did that all to you! Not me!
Me: you don't get it Kyle. She messed up my life for a very long time. She brought unneccesary drama
Kyle: oh like this isn't?
Me: Your a real piece of work Kyle, Look if someone hurt you, I would hate them. I couldn't stand there and be nice to them for manners sake. I would treat them like they were a disease because that's how much I care about you. Thats How much you MEAN to me! Obviously I don't mean that much to you. If you don't get this, then we can't work, do you understand that? It's either me as your girl or her as your friend.
Kyle: This is so juvenile why make me choose? I would never ask you to dislike someone I don't like!
Me: what is the matter with you? Why are you defending her so much? Are you two an item or something?
Kyle: No I'm with you
Me: and what? If we weren't together you'd be with her?
He gave me this distant look, like he couldn't believe I just said that to him. He stood quiet and that was answer enough. I started to feel tears coming..
Me: Look just forget this ever happened okay.
Kyle: wait what?
Me: You and me are through kyle. ...
Kyle: Wait what just happened?
Me: Just drop it okay as I turned to walk away he grabbed my arm
Kyle: Why are you leaving?
Me: You didn't answer me
Kyle: What?
Me: You didn't answer me!
Kyle: You didn't ask a question
Me; Yes I fucking did,
Kyle; No you didn't
Me: Jesus Fucking Christ, I asked that if you weren't with me would you be with Denise, then you gave me this look like I hit a nail on the fucking head and didn't answer my goddamn question.
Kyle: because there was no reason to, I would never be with her
Me: Ha! Now your lying! You didn't answer me, you said nothing and that is answer enough
Kyle: SO because I didn't answer your stupid question we're done?
Me: No its not that, its when you said the RO comment I answered you, I defended myself and how I felt about you, about US! You didn't say a fucking peep!
Kyle: OH BULLSHIT! You fucking stormed out of the damn coffee shop! Probably to go run to him!
Me: HOW THE FUCK DARE YO-
Kyle: Yeah How the fuck dare I say the fucking truth!
Me: No, Not the truth, a fucking lie! I didn't talk to anyone, I went home and cried my eyes out Kyle! I didn't eat, sleep or speak to anyone for three whole fucking days!
He just looked at me like he didn't know what to do because I started to scream and cry.
Me: You are such an idiot and one day you will regret ever hurting me like this ... Fuck you Kyle
And I just left. I left him standing there at the top of the hill. I left my heart and my soul on that hill today. I came home and cried for two whole hours. Just now I got up to write it all out, to tell everything to you. Kyle and I are done, Denise can have him for all I care. I think I am just going to stay single and have fun. Tomorrow is Friday and I am going to hang out with Cassie. We are going to the mall and then some party her brother's friend from home is throwing in Cassie's brothers honor. Apparently he got this internship he's been wanting. So maybe that should be fun and then Saturday I think Cassie and I are going to take a trip into the city and just go to the museum maybe meet some new people. I am going to take this heart ache by the balls and just get over it. I really enjoyed Kyle but now I realize I was falling for someone I hardly knew, I was falling in love with the idea of being with someone new. As for RO I haven't decided when I will talk to him. He's been messaging me for the past few days of Sorrys and how much he misses me. I seriously think we should date other people, I won't let this Kyle thing be a set back. I have school tomorrow and I really just want to stop typing. So ta-ta motha suckahs .. tomorrow is Friday, thank the heavens!
It started out sweet when in the morning there was a single rose attached to my locker and chocolates in my locker. Of course Peter put it in there for Kyle but it was still sweet. I went through the whole day at school with a cheesy ass smile on my face. Then at 2 fucking 30 the whole thing changed with one simple text message.
Ro: Where are you? I am outside your school, I have a surprise for you :)
Ro came to surprise me with a dozen roses, a huge ass teddy bear and a bottle of wine. Seriously after all this time I have known you and this Valentine's day you actually remember! Of course Peter saw Ro giving me all the stuff and of course I get a text at 3 PM.
Kyle: We still meeting at the coffee shop today? Peter told me about RO.
So of course I made RO drive me home instantly. I also told RO I could not accept the gifts because he was not my Valentine.
Ro: Well your mine and I won't take the gifts back, so just take them.
I just rolled my eyes and decided to give my mom the Flowers and my Cousin the Teddy. As for the wine I was totally keeping that because it was my favorite wine and I really needed a damn drink. I texted Kyle back five minutes later
Me: Of Course Silly, OH yeah we need to talk about that. He's insane. I miss you , see you soon xoxo
Of course I had to reassure Kyle he was my valentine by sending him such a cute message. I get home tell RO to fuck off basically because he just pissed me off. I know he means well and is desparately trying to get my full attention but I thought we agreed to put this shit behind us and just be friends? Was I mistaken?
Anyways I get to the coffee shop around 3-20 ten minutes before we were supposed to meet. Turns out Kyle was already there and he was talking to Denise! So I walk in and decide that this better be absolutely fucking good. I walk over non-chalantly, kiss kyle on the cheek and sit down next to him. I smile at Denise, she looked pissed off and Kyle looks worried.
Kyle: Hey beautiful, how was school?
Me: It was awesome until I got out of School.
Kyle: Oh yeah, how did that go?
Me: Oh I have to tell you everything later on. I look over to Denise So... What's up I say directed at Denise. Wondering what the fuck this bitch was doing talking to my man at the coffee shop.
Denise: Oh just saying hi.
Me: Oh okay
Kyle: Uh it was lovely running into you Denise but we need to talk about some things in private, do you mind?
She looked shocked that he asked her to leave, like she expected to stay and then she just settled for a half smile and got up. Once she walked out of the coffee shop I inistantly turned to Kyle, waiting for the beautiful explaination on how she was begging for his forgiveness and mine.
Kyle: Uh, I just ran into her.
I scrutinize him even more, not saying a word but saying everything with my look
Kyle: Look I know she isn't your friend but I cannot be not nice to someone.
I give him a look like he is ludicrous for not having my back and hating her as much as I do. Who gives a fuck about manners, she's my enemy, fucking hate her with me or don't be with me.
Kyle: Say something please ?
Me: I'm sorry but I don't understand your logic.
Kyle: What?
Me: How can you not be mean to her?
Kyle: Listen I know you don't like her but she didn't do anything to me. I feel sorta bad for the girl
Me: What!
Kyle; the poor girl has no friends and well you punched her in the face
Me: She deserved it!
Kyle: Well no, not really, no one deserves to get punched.
Me: Are you FUCKING serious right now? She spit in my face!
Kyle; Well I think you should of been the bigger person and just walked away!
Me: Wow, just wow!
Kyle: Wow what?
Me: Had you told me this when things went down instead of I dunno, rushing to my side, things would of turned out differently
Kyle: OH Like how? You'd be with Ro right now instead of me?
Me: OH wow that's a low blow!
Kyle: It's the truth!
Me: No IT IS NOT! You fucking bastard to think I was going to tell you I loved you today. To think that I thought we could have a nice Valentine's day!
Kyle: Wait.. what did you say? Love ?
Me: And now, now you've gone and ruined the whole thing by thinking its okay to talk to Denise! Then you tell me I was wrong?!
Kyle: Wait slow down
Me: No , No I won't slow down. I am uberly pissed right now! I am leaving !
I grabbed my bag and high tailed out of that stupid Fucking Coffee Shop! Kyle was chasing after me calling out my name Mace, yelling at me to stop
-Wait Please stop! Come back we can talk about this ! Please ..
Me: I don't want to talk to you right now! Just leave me the fuck alone Kyle... I turn around and take his Valentine's day present. It's a painting of us together in Delaware on the beach. I throw it at him and storm off ..
Me: Happy fucking valentine's day Prick!
Kyle: Mace!!
Kyle called and texted me a bunch. Ro tried to call me to but I didn't want to see or talk to either of them. Meghan called me, left a message asking if I was okay and that she was worried. I am sure Kyle talked to Peter who then talked to Meghan who then called me to try to get me to talk to Kyle..
In school Peter tried to talk about the whole thing but I told him that I didn't feel like talking to him and that it's best if he didn't mention it for a while. I told Meghan I had to re-think some things. I bet Denise had a field day hearing about us storming out of the Coffee shop, she probably smirked all the way home thinking of how she ruined my relationship! What a CUNT!
I talked to Mr. Grey the other day about the whole thing and he said he understood. Then he told me I overreacted a bit but it was perfectly normal. He talked some sense into me and well I ended up texting Kyle to meet me at the park today.
We met up earlier today and we talked about everything. I told him I needed some space that this whole situation made me realize we really don't know each other that well.
Kyle: So what does this mean exactly? Are you not my girlfriend?
Me: I didn't know you considered me to be your girlfriend .
Kyle: Well I mean we've been hanging out almost every day, we make out a lot, we go on mini weekend trips together and well I would call that dating, no?
Me: Yeah well dating but you never officially asked me to be your girlfriend. Not that I think it's a good choice right now though.
Kyle: why is that?
Me: Well I mean after that blow up on Monday
Kyle: That was just a misunderstanding.
Me: No Kyle, it wasn't 'just a misunderstanding' It meant a lot to me that you would do that
Kyle: do what? Be nice to someone?
Me: NO, not just anyone, Her.
Kyle: Oh So because it was Denise it's a problem.. ?
Me: yeah, I mean She tried to pull us apart by telling you lies in the beginning. Then she spit in my face because she thought I was a traitor. She lied to her dad about me and to the school. She spread nasty rumors that I was prego with Ro's baby! She has done so many other things before you even came into my life and .. And
Kyle: But she did that all to you! Not me!
Me: you don't get it Kyle. She messed up my life for a very long time. She brought unneccesary drama
Kyle: oh like this isn't?
Me: Your a real piece of work Kyle, Look if someone hurt you, I would hate them. I couldn't stand there and be nice to them for manners sake. I would treat them like they were a disease because that's how much I care about you. Thats How much you MEAN to me! Obviously I don't mean that much to you. If you don't get this, then we can't work, do you understand that? It's either me as your girl or her as your friend.
Kyle: This is so juvenile why make me choose? I would never ask you to dislike someone I don't like!
Me: what is the matter with you? Why are you defending her so much? Are you two an item or something?
Kyle: No I'm with you
Me: and what? If we weren't together you'd be with her?
He gave me this distant look, like he couldn't believe I just said that to him. He stood quiet and that was answer enough. I started to feel tears coming..
Me: Look just forget this ever happened okay.
Kyle: wait what?
Me: You and me are through kyle. ...
Kyle: Wait what just happened?
Me: Just drop it okay as I turned to walk away he grabbed my arm
Kyle: Why are you leaving?
Me: You didn't answer me
Kyle: What?
Me: You didn't answer me!
Kyle: You didn't ask a question
Me; Yes I fucking did,
Kyle; No you didn't
Me: Jesus Fucking Christ, I asked that if you weren't with me would you be with Denise, then you gave me this look like I hit a nail on the fucking head and didn't answer my goddamn question.
Kyle: because there was no reason to, I would never be with her
Me: Ha! Now your lying! You didn't answer me, you said nothing and that is answer enough
Kyle: SO because I didn't answer your stupid question we're done?
Me: No its not that, its when you said the RO comment I answered you, I defended myself and how I felt about you, about US! You didn't say a fucking peep!
Kyle: OH BULLSHIT! You fucking stormed out of the damn coffee shop! Probably to go run to him!
Me: HOW THE FUCK DARE YO-
Kyle: Yeah How the fuck dare I say the fucking truth!
Me: No, Not the truth, a fucking lie! I didn't talk to anyone, I went home and cried my eyes out Kyle! I didn't eat, sleep or speak to anyone for three whole fucking days!
He just looked at me like he didn't know what to do because I started to scream and cry.
Me: You are such an idiot and one day you will regret ever hurting me like this ... Fuck you Kyle
And I just left. I left him standing there at the top of the hill. I left my heart and my soul on that hill today. I came home and cried for two whole hours. Just now I got up to write it all out, to tell everything to you. Kyle and I are done, Denise can have him for all I care. I think I am just going to stay single and have fun. Tomorrow is Friday and I am going to hang out with Cassie. We are going to the mall and then some party her brother's friend from home is throwing in Cassie's brothers honor. Apparently he got this internship he's been wanting. So maybe that should be fun and then Saturday I think Cassie and I are going to take a trip into the city and just go to the museum maybe meet some new people. I am going to take this heart ache by the balls and just get over it. I really enjoyed Kyle but now I realize I was falling for someone I hardly knew, I was falling in love with the idea of being with someone new. As for RO I haven't decided when I will talk to him. He's been messaging me for the past few days of Sorrys and how much he misses me. I seriously think we should date other people, I won't let this Kyle thing be a set back. I have school tomorrow and I really just want to stop typing. So ta-ta motha suckahs .. tomorrow is Friday, thank the heavens!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Turn it around and make it all right
Okay so I am in Delaware with the gang, just having a good time and well I decided to sneak away. It has been driving me crazy being here and having Ro's words stuck in my head. I just don't know what to do because I think I am falling for Kyle but I keep hearing Ro in the back of my mind. It's like he's stuck in my head. I mean I wasn't thinking this way before this whole fight thing, maybe it's because he finally said the words I have been wanting him to say to me for so long.
He came over the other night and we just talked under the streetlight in his car.
He called, my heart skipped a beat, he told me we needed to talk face to face. I agreed of course. We hung up and I had fifteen minutes to get myself together. I ran around my room with butterflies in my stomach thinking of what to wear, how I look, if I smelled good and mostly how happy I was that he called me. I decided to wear my favorite band shirt with some jeans and my comfiest skate shoes. I threw on a hoodie on top and sprayed myself with Juniper Breeze, his favorite scent on me. I touched up my eye liner, put on my penny necklace he made me and combed out my hair a little. He called me to tell me he was waiting for me and I said I would be out in a second. I turn off my computer, check myself once again, decide this is as good as it gets and then run out to meet him.
My heart is racing, thudding so hard I can hear my own breathing and my steps on the ground make loud crunching noises. I check to see if parents light is on, it's off, say a silent prayer and keep walking towards his car. He gets out and I smile, he smiles back. He walks around to open my door like always. He smells really good, has on a black and red checkered shirt with a black shirt under neath, dark jeans and white sneakers. His hair is hanging a bit over his eyes making him look like Adam Lazzara from Taking Back Sunday. I slip into the seat and he shuts the door. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in and he opens his door, slips in and drives off. Our favorite band is playing through the radio and neither one of us is saying anything. We stay quiet, both afraid to speak, palms sweaty, heart racing and then our favorite song comes on. We both reach over at the same moment to turn it up, we look at each other and smile, let out a nervous laugh.I think to myself God why am I so nervous? Get a grip he's your best friend, what is this a first fucking date? Talk to him idiot! Say something..
Of course I don't say a thing, because I don't need to fill in the silence with Ro. We finally get to the park and park under a street light. He keeps the car on to keep us warm. He turns to me and I instantly know that now we have to talk, now we have to let it all out.
Ro: So.. How are things?
Me: Things are good.. I've missed you. I smile nervously hoping he missed me too.
Ro: Yeah I've missed you too. He smiles back reassuringly
Me: So where ya been?
Ro: I was with Jacob for a while.
Me: Ack! The creeper?
Ro: Yeah He smiles
Me: So how was NYC?
Ro: It was cool for a little while.
Me: Yeah, well your mom misses you, have you been home?
Ro: Looks out the window Yeah I've been home, she wasn't there.
Me: Oh
Ro: So ..
Me: Just spit it out Ro, you can tell me anything I give him wide eyes hoping that it isn't going to be bad news.
He smiles and then lightly presses his nuckles to the steering wheel.
Ro: You really know how to get to the point huh?
Me: Yup! I smile at him. Come on Ro, I don't like fighting with you or not talking to you, so tell me what's up I lightly punch him in the shoulder, you know the friendly ones you see in movies.
Ro: You know why, I told you before I left what was up.
Me: You mean to tell me after our last conversation you just decided to leave and not talk to me for a few days?
Ro: Well what do you expect? I mean I am so in love with you it's not even healthy.
Me: What?
Ro: Oh like you don't know.
Me: Ro I never knew you were in love with me. I mean I just thought we were two friends who were so close that we tried to make a relationship work. I never knew that there was love involved in this besides the love I already have for you as a friend.
He looks like I just crushed him but still I can see he won't give up without telling me everything.
Ro: Mace, I am so in love with you. Always have been. I think I first realized how much I loved you when we were kids. It was the day I walked by that stupid machine with that stupid Polar bear watch. I saw it and thought of you. I then thought about how mean I was and I instantly knew I had to make it better. I was 12 years old when I realized I loved you Mace.
Me: Well you have a funny way of showing it! I mean what about all the shit you put me through in our failed attempts?
Ro: Listen Mace, I know I messed up those times but all I am asking for is one more chance. I just can't stand seeing you hold his hand. I can't stand watching you smile at him the way you used to smile at me.
Me: And how do I smile?
Ro: The smile reaches your eyes. You look so happy like nothing could touch you. You can just see the love in your eyes and you now give him that smile. I used to get that smile. He looks at me, scrutinizing me waiting to see my reaction to what he is saying. I want him to stop staring at me. I want him to just look away. God the look in his eyes just make me want to cry and tell him all the things he wants to hear.
Me: Ro, I do love you. I mean I don't know if I am in love with you anymore. He stares at me to see if I am lying. He is reading every line in my face, watching , waiting, hoping to pick something out to let him know I am lying. I just thought you never felt the same way so I tried to move on. Kyle was there when I made that decision and I like him I really do. I don't know if I love him. I just know that for right now he is who I choose. I hope that doesn't make you not want to be my friend. I mean we've been friends since I was ten.
Ro: Mace, I don't not want you in my life. I need you in my life. Who else will be there for me at 3 in the morning when my whole world is falling apart? I mean it sucks that I waited this long to tell you I love you. It sucks that I did those things to you. I don't deserve you Mace, but I still want you. Just know I will always want you.
Me: That's sweet Ro. Who knows maybe one day our lives will work out that we do end up together. But for now I think we should date other people to see if this is truly love. I mean I am only 14 I don't want to decide my life right now. Do you really want to decide your life at 16?
Ro: If it involves you in it, yes.
I stood quiet I didn't know how to take that. He was being so open, so raw and just let it all out. He was definitely wearing his heart on his sleeve and I was ruining it. I didn't want to be the one to break him, I didn't want to be that girl.
We talked a bit more but then it got a little late for me. I had a test I needed to be fresh for , so we went back to my house. He asked if he could spend the night and I said of course. We went to my room, I changed into my pjs, gave him some comfy pants to wear. He kept his shirt off as usual. I put on some music and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I couldn't believe everything that happened that night. I didn't want to go back out there to my room to see him. I had to, Ro is my best friend and I owe it to him to keep it that way. So I came out we took our sides of the bed and I turned off the lights. I couldn't sleep but I stayed really still like I was sleeping. There was so much to think about. When Ro thought I was asleep, he moved closer to me and cuddled me. He then kissed my inner neck and whispered me loved me. He then touched my hair and fell asleep. I thought it was the cutest thing ever but I had Kyle to think about.
I am just glad we are talking again and I am glad we're friends again. I just don't know what to think about it all. I really like Kyle and I do believe we should date other people. I mean we have our whole lives to fall back in love with each other. Anyways I have to go the girls are calling me to get ready so we can go out partying tonight :)
He came over the other night and we just talked under the streetlight in his car.
He called, my heart skipped a beat, he told me we needed to talk face to face. I agreed of course. We hung up and I had fifteen minutes to get myself together. I ran around my room with butterflies in my stomach thinking of what to wear, how I look, if I smelled good and mostly how happy I was that he called me. I decided to wear my favorite band shirt with some jeans and my comfiest skate shoes. I threw on a hoodie on top and sprayed myself with Juniper Breeze, his favorite scent on me. I touched up my eye liner, put on my penny necklace he made me and combed out my hair a little. He called me to tell me he was waiting for me and I said I would be out in a second. I turn off my computer, check myself once again, decide this is as good as it gets and then run out to meet him.
My heart is racing, thudding so hard I can hear my own breathing and my steps on the ground make loud crunching noises. I check to see if parents light is on, it's off, say a silent prayer and keep walking towards his car. He gets out and I smile, he smiles back. He walks around to open my door like always. He smells really good, has on a black and red checkered shirt with a black shirt under neath, dark jeans and white sneakers. His hair is hanging a bit over his eyes making him look like Adam Lazzara from Taking Back Sunday. I slip into the seat and he shuts the door. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in and he opens his door, slips in and drives off. Our favorite band is playing through the radio and neither one of us is saying anything. We stay quiet, both afraid to speak, palms sweaty, heart racing and then our favorite song comes on. We both reach over at the same moment to turn it up, we look at each other and smile, let out a nervous laugh.I think to myself God why am I so nervous? Get a grip he's your best friend, what is this a first fucking date? Talk to him idiot! Say something..
Of course I don't say a thing, because I don't need to fill in the silence with Ro. We finally get to the park and park under a street light. He keeps the car on to keep us warm. He turns to me and I instantly know that now we have to talk, now we have to let it all out.
Ro: So.. How are things?
Me: Things are good.. I've missed you. I smile nervously hoping he missed me too.
Ro: Yeah I've missed you too. He smiles back reassuringly
Me: So where ya been?
Ro: I was with Jacob for a while.
Me: Ack! The creeper?
Ro: Yeah He smiles
Me: So how was NYC?
Ro: It was cool for a little while.
Me: Yeah, well your mom misses you, have you been home?
Ro: Looks out the window Yeah I've been home, she wasn't there.
Me: Oh
Ro: So ..
Me: Just spit it out Ro, you can tell me anything I give him wide eyes hoping that it isn't going to be bad news.
He smiles and then lightly presses his nuckles to the steering wheel.
Ro: You really know how to get to the point huh?
Me: Yup! I smile at him. Come on Ro, I don't like fighting with you or not talking to you, so tell me what's up I lightly punch him in the shoulder, you know the friendly ones you see in movies.
Ro: You know why, I told you before I left what was up.
Me: You mean to tell me after our last conversation you just decided to leave and not talk to me for a few days?
Ro: Well what do you expect? I mean I am so in love with you it's not even healthy.
Me: What?
Ro: Oh like you don't know.
Me: Ro I never knew you were in love with me. I mean I just thought we were two friends who were so close that we tried to make a relationship work. I never knew that there was love involved in this besides the love I already have for you as a friend.
He looks like I just crushed him but still I can see he won't give up without telling me everything.
Ro: Mace, I am so in love with you. Always have been. I think I first realized how much I loved you when we were kids. It was the day I walked by that stupid machine with that stupid Polar bear watch. I saw it and thought of you. I then thought about how mean I was and I instantly knew I had to make it better. I was 12 years old when I realized I loved you Mace.
Me: Well you have a funny way of showing it! I mean what about all the shit you put me through in our failed attempts?
Ro: Listen Mace, I know I messed up those times but all I am asking for is one more chance. I just can't stand seeing you hold his hand. I can't stand watching you smile at him the way you used to smile at me.
Me: And how do I smile?
Ro: The smile reaches your eyes. You look so happy like nothing could touch you. You can just see the love in your eyes and you now give him that smile. I used to get that smile. He looks at me, scrutinizing me waiting to see my reaction to what he is saying. I want him to stop staring at me. I want him to just look away. God the look in his eyes just make me want to cry and tell him all the things he wants to hear.
Me: Ro, I do love you. I mean I don't know if I am in love with you anymore. He stares at me to see if I am lying. He is reading every line in my face, watching , waiting, hoping to pick something out to let him know I am lying. I just thought you never felt the same way so I tried to move on. Kyle was there when I made that decision and I like him I really do. I don't know if I love him. I just know that for right now he is who I choose. I hope that doesn't make you not want to be my friend. I mean we've been friends since I was ten.
Ro: Mace, I don't not want you in my life. I need you in my life. Who else will be there for me at 3 in the morning when my whole world is falling apart? I mean it sucks that I waited this long to tell you I love you. It sucks that I did those things to you. I don't deserve you Mace, but I still want you. Just know I will always want you.
Me: That's sweet Ro. Who knows maybe one day our lives will work out that we do end up together. But for now I think we should date other people to see if this is truly love. I mean I am only 14 I don't want to decide my life right now. Do you really want to decide your life at 16?
Ro: If it involves you in it, yes.
I stood quiet I didn't know how to take that. He was being so open, so raw and just let it all out. He was definitely wearing his heart on his sleeve and I was ruining it. I didn't want to be the one to break him, I didn't want to be that girl.
We talked a bit more but then it got a little late for me. I had a test I needed to be fresh for , so we went back to my house. He asked if he could spend the night and I said of course. We went to my room, I changed into my pjs, gave him some comfy pants to wear. He kept his shirt off as usual. I put on some music and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I couldn't believe everything that happened that night. I didn't want to go back out there to my room to see him. I had to, Ro is my best friend and I owe it to him to keep it that way. So I came out we took our sides of the bed and I turned off the lights. I couldn't sleep but I stayed really still like I was sleeping. There was so much to think about. When Ro thought I was asleep, he moved closer to me and cuddled me. He then kissed my inner neck and whispered me loved me. He then touched my hair and fell asleep. I thought it was the cutest thing ever but I had Kyle to think about.
I am just glad we are talking again and I am glad we're friends again. I just don't know what to think about it all. I really like Kyle and I do believe we should date other people. I mean we have our whole lives to fall back in love with each other. Anyways I have to go the girls are calling me to get ready so we can go out partying tonight :)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Back to December
Ro
He finally texted me today while I was at school. Said he was okay.
I freaked out because that is all he said to me -_- who does that? Not talk to you for so long and then finally responds to your messages that they are okay? Seriously at a loss for words. I tried to call him and text but I got nothing. I am so pissed off right now. Ugh my phone is going off again, if it isn't him I swear I might cry.
It was him! He is going to stop by later :) Thank god.. maybe we can talk this all out get our friendship back on track!
He finally texted me today while I was at school. Said he was okay.
I freaked out because that is all he said to me -_- who does that? Not talk to you for so long and then finally responds to your messages that they are okay? Seriously at a loss for words. I tried to call him and text but I got nothing. I am so pissed off right now. Ugh my phone is going off again, if it isn't him I swear I might cry.
It was him! He is going to stop by later :) Thank god.. maybe we can talk this all out get our friendship back on track!
Circle the Drain
You know this whole fight with Ro is going horribly. We haven't talked for a couple of days and it seriously a couple days too long. The last time we went over twenty four hours of not speaking was when I was 10 and he was 12. He ruined my favorite Barbie because he decided being friends with Greg was way more cool than hanging out with a 10 year old. So he came over with the boys as I was playing by myself and they teased me, told him to ruin my Barbie if he still wanted to their friend. I could tell he didn't want to ruin it but he wanted to have guy friends so he did it to be cool. I cried of course because the Barbie was given to me by my aunt who had passed away. It was the last thing she ever gave me besides a hug and he ruined it. He showed up on my door step a few days later in a suit with a gift. It was this Coca Cola polar bear watch I had wanted a few weeks back. Apparently he spent all his lunch money on the machine to try to win it for me. Of course he was so damn cute in that suit and the fact that he would do that for me to apologize was the icing on the cake. We've been friends ever since, sure we have our arguments but never like this. Never where we didn't talk to each other for days at a time, usually we bicker, argue and then we just get over it by bringing up old times.
I have tried to call him, text him, email him, tweet him, face book him and I even called his parents house. He won't talk to me and well his mom hasn't seen him for the past two days. I am so worried about him and our friendship. Somethings are going down here in my house and I really just want to talk to Ro. He gets me like no one else does and he always cheers me up some how. I don't know why he is taking this whole Kyle thing to heart. Its really confusing to me because not too long ago he was hanging all over Cherie and that didn't get me all jealous. Now that I mention Kyle and all of a sudden Ro decides he wants us to take things slow and date again.
Speaking of Kyle, I really like him a lot and since Ro isn't around well I've been hanging out with Kyle a bit more. Like the other day I went to one of Kyles Rugby games, it was freezing but still I had fun seeing him get all sweaty. He looked really good in the uniform. I like that Kyle and I are only kissing and holding hands. He doesn't make me feel pressured to do anything else and maybe that's because he doesn't want to do anything else. We've talked about things and he is all for taking things slow. I mean I am in no rush to lose my virginity but at times when we're all making out I feel like I could. I guess he just gets me all hot and bothered but then again I get all creeped out about the whole sex thing. I mean everyone, and I mean EVERYONE says it sucks the first time. It's not enjoyable for the girl at all and really it takes a few times to get used to it. So why in the world would I want to do something that isn't enjoyable and makes me bleed? Pssh I bleed for a few days once a month and that is enough.
Anyways Kyle introduced me to some of his friends who are really cool. I mean I don't know them really but they seemed nice. It's kind of weird going to school now that I don't really talk to anyone. I mean I talk to Peter and Meghan but they are so wrapped up in lovers lane that it gets kind of annoying. Meghan seems nice, I actually invited her to come over later to watch movies and do our nails. Which reminds me I have to text Cassie to see if we are still on for tomorrow night. Kyle has an away game in Delaware so the whole gang minus Ro is going up to cheer him on. I figured Cassie would want to go and maybe see her brother again. Gah the bell is about to ring so I must be going to English now.. By the way Mr. Grey showed me a picture of their little peanut and she looks amazing. She better have his eyes with his dark hair, everything else can be his wife's.
I have tried to call him, text him, email him, tweet him, face book him and I even called his parents house. He won't talk to me and well his mom hasn't seen him for the past two days. I am so worried about him and our friendship. Somethings are going down here in my house and I really just want to talk to Ro. He gets me like no one else does and he always cheers me up some how. I don't know why he is taking this whole Kyle thing to heart. Its really confusing to me because not too long ago he was hanging all over Cherie and that didn't get me all jealous. Now that I mention Kyle and all of a sudden Ro decides he wants us to take things slow and date again.
Speaking of Kyle, I really like him a lot and since Ro isn't around well I've been hanging out with Kyle a bit more. Like the other day I went to one of Kyles Rugby games, it was freezing but still I had fun seeing him get all sweaty. He looked really good in the uniform. I like that Kyle and I are only kissing and holding hands. He doesn't make me feel pressured to do anything else and maybe that's because he doesn't want to do anything else. We've talked about things and he is all for taking things slow. I mean I am in no rush to lose my virginity but at times when we're all making out I feel like I could. I guess he just gets me all hot and bothered but then again I get all creeped out about the whole sex thing. I mean everyone, and I mean EVERYONE says it sucks the first time. It's not enjoyable for the girl at all and really it takes a few times to get used to it. So why in the world would I want to do something that isn't enjoyable and makes me bleed? Pssh I bleed for a few days once a month and that is enough.
Anyways Kyle introduced me to some of his friends who are really cool. I mean I don't know them really but they seemed nice. It's kind of weird going to school now that I don't really talk to anyone. I mean I talk to Peter and Meghan but they are so wrapped up in lovers lane that it gets kind of annoying. Meghan seems nice, I actually invited her to come over later to watch movies and do our nails. Which reminds me I have to text Cassie to see if we are still on for tomorrow night. Kyle has an away game in Delaware so the whole gang minus Ro is going up to cheer him on. I figured Cassie would want to go and maybe see her brother again. Gah the bell is about to ring so I must be going to English now.. By the way Mr. Grey showed me a picture of their little peanut and she looks amazing. She better have his eyes with his dark hair, everything else can be his wife's.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee I love so much
Okay so here is what has been happening in my world lately.
Ro is not over me, its completely obvious. We had this twitter battle or whatever after he tried to kiss me. Like I just don't get it he doesn't show interest for two months then Kyle walks into my life and BAM Ro wants me again. I seriously can't take this anymore. I mean don't get me wrong I love Ro but things between us never work out, ever.
So I talked to a friend about it, an outside party, someone who doesn't know anyone in my life. It felt great to just vent and this person gave me the best advice "Go with your gut feeling, what does your instinct tell you?"
Well my gut and I had a conversation. It wasn't that long because I think I knew all along what it was saying. See if I really wanted to be with Ro I would of let him kiss me right? Right. The fact that I didn't means that I don't really want to be with RO. Atleast not right now. What ever it is that Kyle is doing I am absolutely loving it. I mean I am crushing on him hardcore. We talk a whole bunch, we meet up at the coffee shop as often as we can and well it's been fun getting to know someone. We have only kissed and held hands and I really like that. There is no pressure to do anything than just enjoy each others company.
See with Ro I feel like I have to be as cool as he is and sometimes that gets overwhelming. Like when its just Ro and I hanging out its perfect. When there are other people involved its like I can't be myself. I feel like I kind of embarrass him or he ends up getting jealous. Sometimes he even disappears for a bit when we hang out. I just don't know if I can trust him with my heart right now. So I choose Kyle and when I told RO this he freaked out on me. I know I crushed his feelings a bit but seriously we have been doing this dance since we were ten years old. I think we need a break, we need to date other people and I think or atleast I hope this will save our friendship. I haven't hung out with Ro in a few days and to be honest I kind of miss him. I mean how do you go from seeing someone every single day to not seeing them at all. I just hope we can make it through this little rough patch because well I don't want to lose my best friend.
Alright guys I have to go do my homework I haven't done any of it at all this weekend.. Laters -_-
Ro is not over me, its completely obvious. We had this twitter battle or whatever after he tried to kiss me. Like I just don't get it he doesn't show interest for two months then Kyle walks into my life and BAM Ro wants me again. I seriously can't take this anymore. I mean don't get me wrong I love Ro but things between us never work out, ever.
So I talked to a friend about it, an outside party, someone who doesn't know anyone in my life. It felt great to just vent and this person gave me the best advice "Go with your gut feeling, what does your instinct tell you?"
Well my gut and I had a conversation. It wasn't that long because I think I knew all along what it was saying. See if I really wanted to be with Ro I would of let him kiss me right? Right. The fact that I didn't means that I don't really want to be with RO. Atleast not right now. What ever it is that Kyle is doing I am absolutely loving it. I mean I am crushing on him hardcore. We talk a whole bunch, we meet up at the coffee shop as often as we can and well it's been fun getting to know someone. We have only kissed and held hands and I really like that. There is no pressure to do anything than just enjoy each others company.
See with Ro I feel like I have to be as cool as he is and sometimes that gets overwhelming. Like when its just Ro and I hanging out its perfect. When there are other people involved its like I can't be myself. I feel like I kind of embarrass him or he ends up getting jealous. Sometimes he even disappears for a bit when we hang out. I just don't know if I can trust him with my heart right now. So I choose Kyle and when I told RO this he freaked out on me. I know I crushed his feelings a bit but seriously we have been doing this dance since we were ten years old. I think we need a break, we need to date other people and I think or atleast I hope this will save our friendship. I haven't hung out with Ro in a few days and to be honest I kind of miss him. I mean how do you go from seeing someone every single day to not seeing them at all. I just hope we can make it through this little rough patch because well I don't want to lose my best friend.
Alright guys I have to go do my homework I haven't done any of it at all this weekend.. Laters -_-
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Pillow Talk
Lately things have been weird between RO and I. Somethings happened earlier this week that I just don't know how to take. See all this week I have been going to school, going to detention like I am supposed to and because of the weather Ro has picked me up everyday. Well except today because Mom picked me up to take me to get a new dress for the dance next weekend.
Okay so I had this weird dream about two days ago, well more like creepy nightmare-ish dream. I have had this dream before from time to time as a child but it hasn't happened in a long while. So The dream is of me sleeping in my old room and it's a younger me. I would say I am about 7 years old in the dream, which is around the time I first had the dream. So there I am sleeping in my bed and its sort of like I am having an out of body experience. Like I can see myself sleeping from a distance but at the same time I am feeling everything that is happening. Like I can feel the sheets on my body keeping me warm and the wind coming off of my ceiling fan across my face. All of a sudden I see this dark figure outside of my window. It looks in and some how opens the window. It starts to slink itself into my room and while this is going on I feel myself tense. Now I am trying to scream wake up, trying to move around the room but I can't talk or move. All I can do is watch this creepy black figure just float into the room. It stops just over my bed, hovering, watching and waiting. It stays there for a little while and then it starts to reach out towards younger me sleeping. I can see my breathing getting heavier and more erratic like I am having a nightmare. Then the figure starts to drop lower on top of my body and I try really hard to move, to scream , to do anything but I can't. I can only sit there and watch what happens. The figure just stays on top of me, I have no clue what it is doing but I can feel it touching me all over, breathing on me or at least I think it's breathing on me. All of a sudden it stops and pulls away from my body. It hovers for a little and then starts to leave my room through my bedroom door. Before I go to follow it I look back at my younger self and see tears welled in my eyes. I start to go out of the room after the figure and realize that I can finally move. I try to go back to my younger self but there is something pulling me outside of the room. So I go in the only direction I am allowed. I see the figure peek into my brothers room and then keeps on down the hallway to my parents room. I try to catch up a bit but stop to look into my brothers room to see what the figure was looking at. My brother is quietly sleeping away in his crib and I hear the door to my parents room shut. I start to race down the hall to get to the door but I can't open my parents room. Then I hear my brother start to cry and when I look back my younger self is in the hallway running to my brother. I go back to my brothers room and see my younger self climb into the crib with my brother and he instantly stops crying. I look back out into the hall and see the door open I start to freak and then WHAM I am waking up to my alarm clock. It was the craziest dream and to top it off I had tears in my eyes when I woke up. I have no clue what it means what-so-ever but I did talk to RO about it.
When I talked to him about it he freaked out on me. Saying that I must of went through something traumatic when I was younger and that I was hiding it. That I need to face my demons because they could eat you alive. The thing is I don't ever remember anything bad happening to me at the age of 7. I mean bad stuff didn't happen to me until I was 10 when one of my good friends died. Ro and I were pretty torn up about Ronnie for a while, he was one of our best buds. I still see his sister around sometimes and Ronnie's parents. RO and I actually go to Ronnie's grave every year on his birthday to sit and chat like old times.
The thing that happened with RO happened later on that night when he came over freaking out about his dad. We were talking about things just sitting outside on his car smoking a Cig and he just started talking psycho-babble.
He brought up California again. I just don't see what's so great about California we have never been there and I mean I can't just pick up to go there without knowing where I am going to live. I just don't know what he is thinking about. Here's how the converation went down
Ro: Dude he is just a fecking ass muncher seriously! Sometimes I wonder what the hell my mom sees in him. I mean he doesn't treat her well at all and well you know how he treats me.
Me: Ro, its all good you only have a few more years to deal. I mean your lucky your 16 and all. You only have two more years and you can do whartever the hell you wants.
Ro: Yeah well its not all its cracked up to be, you know being the older one and all.
Me: I know what you mean Ro
Ro: I just wish things were different you know?
Me: Yeah, I understand you're home life sucks dude.
Ro: No I mean in other ways. My home life is whatever
Me: What do you mean?
Ro: Like we could just go Mace, Just go to Cali and soak up the sun.
Me: Oh Cali again huh? I smile then take a drag of his Cig
Ro: Come on Mace tell me you haven't thought about leaving this place and living a whole 'nother life? Some place to reinvent yourself completely..
Me: Sure I thought about it plenty Ro but I am only 14 for fecks sake.. What do you want me to do? Just pick my shit up and leave with you?
Ro: Yeah.. Why not?
Me: Because it's not practical that's why not.
Ro: Who gives a Feck about Practical, I 'm talking about dreams and starting over. A fecking second chance at happiness.
Me: I understand your not happy here because of family but I'm family too..
Ro looks at me and studies my face for something. He takes a drag and inhales deeply. He looks up to the sky holding in the smoke and looks away to blow it slowly. God he looks so good in his dark jeans and black t-shirt with his gray hoodie and black leather jacket over. His lips look extremely good tonight and the look in his eyes says he needs some saving. Lord knows I want to save Ro the most out of anyone in this world but I know I can't deep down inside. I know the only person that can save him is himself, not me or California, only Ro.
Ro: What are you thinking Mace?
Me: How your hogging that Cig! I crack a smile, he smiles back and it reaches his eyes. God I love that smile.
Ro: Lets finish this and get inside, its fecking freezing and my balls are not happy about it.
Me: What balls? We start to laugh together.
Shit is so confusing. He wants me to go away with him to sunny California and trust me I want to go with him. It's just that I want to see what life holds for me here and part of me is so fecking scared. I can handle day trips to Delaware or new york city but living a life in California freaks me out. I mean yeah sure Ro and I are best friends but sometimes he can be so mean. Sometimes he just turns into this whole other person and I don't know if I could handle being in Cali by myself when he acts like that. What if we live together and one day he freaks out on me and kicks me out. What am I to do then? Where am I to go ? Not to mention my parents would be livid if they knew I ran away to be with Ro in Cali. For now I think I am going to stay here where its safe and try this thing out with Kyle.
Kyle and I have been getting along pretty well. He came over last night, Peter dropped him off on his way to Meghan's and we hung out until Peter picked him up. It was a wonderful time. We just sat in my room talked about family, our likes and dislikes. We danced around to some Vampire Weekend which is one of his favorite bands. I almost died when I heard him say that in his little Irish accent. I was deathly jealous when he said he saw them one summer while over in Europe visiting family. He actually wants me to go with him this summer over there but I have to get a passport and ask my parents. We made out some which Kyle is a phenomenal kisser. I could just kiss that boy all day. Not to mention he gives me the craziest butterflies I have ever gotten in my life. I had a great time with him but the thing with Ro kept bothering me. So I have to talk to Ro soon to get this shit out in the open, you know my fears and my frustrations.
Okay so I had this weird dream about two days ago, well more like creepy nightmare-ish dream. I have had this dream before from time to time as a child but it hasn't happened in a long while. So The dream is of me sleeping in my old room and it's a younger me. I would say I am about 7 years old in the dream, which is around the time I first had the dream. So there I am sleeping in my bed and its sort of like I am having an out of body experience. Like I can see myself sleeping from a distance but at the same time I am feeling everything that is happening. Like I can feel the sheets on my body keeping me warm and the wind coming off of my ceiling fan across my face. All of a sudden I see this dark figure outside of my window. It looks in and some how opens the window. It starts to slink itself into my room and while this is going on I feel myself tense. Now I am trying to scream wake up, trying to move around the room but I can't talk or move. All I can do is watch this creepy black figure just float into the room. It stops just over my bed, hovering, watching and waiting. It stays there for a little while and then it starts to reach out towards younger me sleeping. I can see my breathing getting heavier and more erratic like I am having a nightmare. Then the figure starts to drop lower on top of my body and I try really hard to move, to scream , to do anything but I can't. I can only sit there and watch what happens. The figure just stays on top of me, I have no clue what it is doing but I can feel it touching me all over, breathing on me or at least I think it's breathing on me. All of a sudden it stops and pulls away from my body. It hovers for a little and then starts to leave my room through my bedroom door. Before I go to follow it I look back at my younger self and see tears welled in my eyes. I start to go out of the room after the figure and realize that I can finally move. I try to go back to my younger self but there is something pulling me outside of the room. So I go in the only direction I am allowed. I see the figure peek into my brothers room and then keeps on down the hallway to my parents room. I try to catch up a bit but stop to look into my brothers room to see what the figure was looking at. My brother is quietly sleeping away in his crib and I hear the door to my parents room shut. I start to race down the hall to get to the door but I can't open my parents room. Then I hear my brother start to cry and when I look back my younger self is in the hallway running to my brother. I go back to my brothers room and see my younger self climb into the crib with my brother and he instantly stops crying. I look back out into the hall and see the door open I start to freak and then WHAM I am waking up to my alarm clock. It was the craziest dream and to top it off I had tears in my eyes when I woke up. I have no clue what it means what-so-ever but I did talk to RO about it.
When I talked to him about it he freaked out on me. Saying that I must of went through something traumatic when I was younger and that I was hiding it. That I need to face my demons because they could eat you alive. The thing is I don't ever remember anything bad happening to me at the age of 7. I mean bad stuff didn't happen to me until I was 10 when one of my good friends died. Ro and I were pretty torn up about Ronnie for a while, he was one of our best buds. I still see his sister around sometimes and Ronnie's parents. RO and I actually go to Ronnie's grave every year on his birthday to sit and chat like old times.
The thing that happened with RO happened later on that night when he came over freaking out about his dad. We were talking about things just sitting outside on his car smoking a Cig and he just started talking psycho-babble.
He brought up California again. I just don't see what's so great about California we have never been there and I mean I can't just pick up to go there without knowing where I am going to live. I just don't know what he is thinking about. Here's how the converation went down
Ro: Dude he is just a fecking ass muncher seriously! Sometimes I wonder what the hell my mom sees in him. I mean he doesn't treat her well at all and well you know how he treats me.
Me: Ro, its all good you only have a few more years to deal. I mean your lucky your 16 and all. You only have two more years and you can do whartever the hell you wants.
Ro: Yeah well its not all its cracked up to be, you know being the older one and all.
Me: I know what you mean Ro
Ro: I just wish things were different you know?
Me: Yeah, I understand you're home life sucks dude.
Ro: No I mean in other ways. My home life is whatever
Me: What do you mean?
Ro: Like we could just go Mace, Just go to Cali and soak up the sun.
Me: Oh Cali again huh? I smile then take a drag of his Cig
Ro: Come on Mace tell me you haven't thought about leaving this place and living a whole 'nother life? Some place to reinvent yourself completely..
Me: Sure I thought about it plenty Ro but I am only 14 for fecks sake.. What do you want me to do? Just pick my shit up and leave with you?
Ro: Yeah.. Why not?
Me: Because it's not practical that's why not.
Ro: Who gives a Feck about Practical, I 'm talking about dreams and starting over. A fecking second chance at happiness.
Me: I understand your not happy here because of family but I'm family too..
Ro looks at me and studies my face for something. He takes a drag and inhales deeply. He looks up to the sky holding in the smoke and looks away to blow it slowly. God he looks so good in his dark jeans and black t-shirt with his gray hoodie and black leather jacket over. His lips look extremely good tonight and the look in his eyes says he needs some saving. Lord knows I want to save Ro the most out of anyone in this world but I know I can't deep down inside. I know the only person that can save him is himself, not me or California, only Ro.
Ro: What are you thinking Mace?
Me: How your hogging that Cig! I crack a smile, he smiles back and it reaches his eyes. God I love that smile.
Ro: Lets finish this and get inside, its fecking freezing and my balls are not happy about it.
Me: What balls? We start to laugh together.
Shit is so confusing. He wants me to go away with him to sunny California and trust me I want to go with him. It's just that I want to see what life holds for me here and part of me is so fecking scared. I can handle day trips to Delaware or new york city but living a life in California freaks me out. I mean yeah sure Ro and I are best friends but sometimes he can be so mean. Sometimes he just turns into this whole other person and I don't know if I could handle being in Cali by myself when he acts like that. What if we live together and one day he freaks out on me and kicks me out. What am I to do then? Where am I to go ? Not to mention my parents would be livid if they knew I ran away to be with Ro in Cali. For now I think I am going to stay here where its safe and try this thing out with Kyle.
Kyle and I have been getting along pretty well. He came over last night, Peter dropped him off on his way to Meghan's and we hung out until Peter picked him up. It was a wonderful time. We just sat in my room talked about family, our likes and dislikes. We danced around to some Vampire Weekend which is one of his favorite bands. I almost died when I heard him say that in his little Irish accent. I was deathly jealous when he said he saw them one summer while over in Europe visiting family. He actually wants me to go with him this summer over there but I have to get a passport and ask my parents. We made out some which Kyle is a phenomenal kisser. I could just kiss that boy all day. Not to mention he gives me the craziest butterflies I have ever gotten in my life. I had a great time with him but the thing with Ro kept bothering me. So I have to talk to Ro soon to get this shit out in the open, you know my fears and my frustrations.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Everythings gonna be alright
So I am in a heap of trouble guys but seriously that won’t stop me at all. See Friday went down as planned for the most part but somehow it took a turn for the worse. Let me back up and tell you the whole thing from beginning to end.
Friday:
Cassie called Denise to meet up at the park, they talked for a little and then Cassie texted me to come to the park. Ro, Kyle, Peter and I arrived at the park about fifteen minutes later; as soon as we go there you could tell Denise was not happy. Of course since she thought Cassie was still on her side she thought she was going to be all big and bad by giving me some attitude. When I walked over to where they were and gave Cassie a hug, Denise totally deflated. I asked her if we could talk and she gave me that attitude I know she is known for but really it didn’t faze me. Inside I knew she was shitting bricks and mentally scorning herself for even coming to hang out with traitor Cassie. She gave in and told me to just say what I needed to say so she could leave.
Me: Denise I know it was you who started the rumor about me getting knocked up with apparently Ro’s baby. What I don’t know is why you would start such a hateful rumor?
Denise: I didn’t start anything, Please I have way better things to do than just sit around trying to make up rumors about you.
Me: Well I have three people at school saying they heard it straight from your mouth at the Burger Joint. Seriously it’s okay I don’t even want to know why you came up with that lie anymore. I am so over you Denise it isn’t even funny. I should of listened to all those people warning me about you and how jealous you are.
Denise: Jealous? Please you think I am jealous of you? Seriously look at me and look at you that should be answer enough on the jealous part. I mean you are flat cheasted and I mean look at how deathly skinny you are. I could seriously break you in half with just saying BOO.
Ro: Um, Denise seriously you are such a bitch. Mace may not have boobs as big as yours but I would take her any day over you. Actually all of us guys here would take her over you. You may think your hot shit but you’re not. Guys only want one thing from you when they talk to you and that is to fuck you and go. They know you’re easy that’s why half of the guys who talk to you do.
Me: RO that’s enough. Listen, Denise I don’t want to be friends with you ever. You are the worst friend in the entire universe and nothing would ever make me want to talk to you. So just so you know the next time you have a freak out don’t call me. You are seriously dead to me Denise and I mean it.
Casssie: Just in case you didn’t get the hint we are no longer friends either. You ditched me to go suck the frosty mans dick so you could get free frosties. Seriously Denise get some more fucking self respect. Oh and my brother hates your guts he never liked you stop obsessing about him.
Denise: Oh wow seriously Cassie the only reason why you are saying this right now is because you think Mace is your friend. You will eventually find out what I found out about her and that is she doesn’t care about anyone but herself.
Me: That is not true Denise and you know that. How many fucking times did I help you get out of a bind? How many fucking times did I come to rescue you when you were too drunk to even know where you were? Tell me Denise! I seriously want to hear this answer because let me tell you every time I did come to get you RO was with me. So try to lie yourself out of this one.
Denise: Whatever that isn’t even the point here. The point is you would be too chicken shit to even say anything to me alone. You always have to have RO with you whenever you do anything. What are you guys like attached at the hip?
That’s when Meghan showed up to the park to see what we were up to. Plus she had some things she needed to tell Denise as well and I figured she might as well while we had her. All of a sudden Denise freaked out.
Denise: Seriously? This is happening right now? Wow Mace I really see who you’ve really become. Thank god we aren’t friends anymore.
Me: Dude calms the fuck down.
Denise: Don’t tell me to calm down fucking traitor!
Me: Oh real classy Denise. Calling me a traitor is really hurting me for serious.
Meghan: Calm down Denise I am not here to start drama just end it.
Denise: I don’t want to talk to you.
Meghan: Good just listen then. I don’t know where you come off thinking I am trying to be you but I am not. I have never had a problem with you until you started talking about me at school for no reason. So I am here to put an end to all of this drama and just squash it seriously. I don’t want any more problems and I surely don’t want to hear you running your mouth about me. Also stay away from me and peter because well we don’t want anything to do with you.
As I sat there seeing this all unfold before I could only imagine how Denise was taking it. I mean I get that she said those rumors or whatever but we have been friends since the 3rd grade. I mean that’s a long time to just one day wake up and not be friends with someone. It was like I was losing a limb but hell I wasn’t going to take her shit anymore.
Denise: I hate you Mace I seriously can’t fucking stand you anymore bitch. I am glad I started those rumors I bet you had a field day trying to do a fucking tap dance to get out of it before your parents found out you are hanging out with Ro still. Whatever I am so done with this whole gang up on Denise thing.
As she started to walk away I called her name out
Me: Denise! …
Denise: What the fuck do you want?
Me; I want my shit back so if we could go to your house so I can get it that would be fucking fabulous.
She walked towards and just spit on my face. That’s when I lost it and just punched her square in the face. We ended up fighting for a little but the guys broke it up. Once it all stopped we realized Denise was bleeding heavily from her nose, and then she started to scream really loud that I broke her nose. A part of me was scared as all hell the other part was screaming “FUX YEAH BITCH! I FUXING BROKE YOUR NOSE YOU FUCKING CUNT!” We then drove her to the hospital and Cassie called her dad to tell him about what happened. We stayed at the hospital until he got there and then left without saying a word to him.
I really didn’t want to go home so we just went out to Meghan’s cousin’s house to a party. Kyle and I slept in the same bed but nothing really happened. I mean we made out of course but nothing really major. I mean I am still a virgin for now.
Saturday:
We woke up early, went to the diner and got some breakfast. Then Cassie told us about how her brother was in Delaware with some friends at some beach house. So we decided to go over there to see what was up for the night because we all just really wanted to keep hanging out. I mean I think no one really wanted to go home and face the music. So instead we were rebellious teens and didn’t go home. We went out shopping for some new clothes and went to Cassie’s house to shower up a bit. We then left around noon to Delaware and just listened to music on the way down. It was really a lot of fun just hanging out and well it gave me time to get to know Meghan a little better. She is actually pretty funny and really artsy. She drew this cute lotus flower on my foot on the car ride and I think I might get it as a tattoo.
We got to the beach house and just hung out with Cassie’s brothers friends. Who by the way were very cool and some of them were really hot. Lucky for us Cassie brought swim suits for us girls and the guys borrowed some trunks from the guys. We just spent the day by the beach and that night we made new friends with some locals. We had a huge bon fire and just drank the night away. Ro was being a little weird with me that night and kept bothering me. I think he was just a little buzzed and sometimes when that happens he gets a little flirty. We ended up partying till about 4 in the morning and passing out for a few hours.
Sunday:
I woke up to my phone going off. It was a text from that weird number again saying “Shit’s about to hit the fan. Hope you are ready for this because you will find out who really has your back.” Seriously it was weird but I just put it in the back of my mind when I saw I had 25 missed calls from home and knew I was instantly in a heap of trouble. We left the beach house and rode back home somberly. I think it really settled in that we were all in trouble for not calling our parents to tell them we were okay. None of us checked in or even really had our phones on the whole weekend. I told Kyle I was really sorry for getting him in trouble but he said it was no problem. He would do it all over again if it meant having this weekend all over again with me. This obviously got him another kiss and a huge grin the whole ride back home. Ro dropped me off last and before I went in the house he stopped me.
Ro: We could just leave you and me you know?
Me: What are you talking about?
Ro: Like we could go to Cali start all over again, just you and I. I mean think about it Mace, no parents, no drama and no hassle. We could come up with new names, new lives and make something of ourselves. Just you and I against the world and kicking ass at it mind you.
I smiled.
Me: Ro that sounds awesome but I have school you know. Now I have Kyle and well frankly now we have a nice group of friends to hang with.
Ro looked solemn. I turned his face to me and smiled.
Me: Maybe someday we could get away from this place and start over. Right now I need to be here and I need to face whatever is coming for me.
I kissed him on the cheek and told him I loved him. Which I do love him a bunch, I mean I care about him and all.
I got yelled at by my mom and luckily for me my step dad wasn’t around.
Now to get to today! Ugh today was terrible, let me tell you that I don’t think it could get any worse than this.
Today:
This morning my step dad drove me to school because mom was too mad to even look at me. Which kind of broke my heart a little but eventually she will come around, I mean she is my mom she loves me and all.
On the ride over I sort of had a heart to heart with my step dad. I told him what happened on Friday and how I was scared to come home after that so I just stayed with Cassie. Then he said this to me “You know your mom is really upset with you but I think she is more scared of what could have happened to you. Don’t worry she will come around just give her time.”
Which sincerely touched my heart that he knew I would be worried about that.
I got to school to find that on my locker there was ‘WHORE’ written in red spray paint on my locker. I just kept going about my business because honestly it didn’t bother me much and I wouldn’t be the one in trouble about it. Fourth period I get called down to the principal’s office which wasn’t good at all. As I was walking down to the office I got another text from that strange number saying “I really like what you did with your locker, classy.”
Seriously it was freaky that this person kept texting me and wouldn’t tell me who it was.
I get to the office to see Denise there with her dad. She looked so busted up because of what I did to her and she was overreacting on top of all that busted-ness.
Principal: Macy you know why I called you down here. I just want to tell you how disappointed I am in you and that you were the last student I would of ever expected this type of situation to happen to.
Me: Sorry but what is going on here?
Principal: I just became aware of a fight that happened on Friday.
Me; Oh that..
Principal: Yes Macy, that! So We were just discussing what type of punishment you will receive for doing this to this poor girl.
Me: Excuse me?
Principal: What do you mean excuse me?
Me: I mean why am I getting punished about this?
Principal: Well you can’t just go around beating up other students and expect to get away with it.
Me: Well I didn’t really beat her up, we got into a fight, equally mutual.
Principal: I don’t see your nose broken Macy.
Me: Well no, but..
Principal: But nothing!
As they sat there discussing all the possibilities of what could happen to me now I began to zone out a bit. How the fux could this be happening to me. This bitch fuxing had it coming for a long time by all the shit she pulled on me. That’s when I heard the words Expulsion and Suspension. Oh hells no there is no way I am going to have that on my record!
Me: Um, does anyone want to hear my side of what happened? Do you want to know why your daughter has a broken nose by someone who used to be best friends with her since the 3rd grade?
Denise’s dad: Excuse me?
Me: Well you don’t want to know why we even got into the fight or did she over dramatize that too?
Denise: Oh shut up skank!
Me: Classy Denise!
Principal: Girls calm down!
Denise’s Dad: Yes.
Denise: Yes? Denise looked like she was going to shit a brick!
I smiled.
Me: Well Denise started this whole thing by starting a fit over a boy at a party a few weeks back. She blamed it all on me when I had nothing to do with it, so she told me we weren’t friends anymore. Which is fine I was really getting tired of our friendship anyways.
Denise; Stupid Bitch!
Denise Dad: Denise! His look said ‘if you don’t shut the fuck up I will certainly eat you for breakfast and shit you out to eat you all over again!’
He nodded for me to continue.
Me: So we hadn’t talked for a little because she was out of school. Then I heard rumors about me being pregnant and when I tracked down the source three people said they heard it from Denise. Now that could have been something I could of gotten expelled from school and worse lose a really good friend over because of Denise. Then I heard she was seen at the mall with my boyfriend who told me she told him that I was cheating on him with some other guy. Which all of this is a lie, I am not pregnant and I am certainly not cheating. So I had enough of the lies and backstabbing. I went to the park to talk to Denise not to fight but just to tell her I was done. That I wanted my stuff back and that she was dead to me.
Principal: Those are some harsh words to say to anyone Macy.
Me: I know that’s why I said them because I wanted Denise to hurt like I did. So that was supposed to be all of it but then Meghan showed up. Meghan and Denise have a history of not liking each other really, so Denise went off calling me a traitor. She turned to walk away but I called her back to tell her I wanted my stuff back. I even offered her a ride home so I could get the stuff and just be done with all of this. She stormed back to me and spit in my face.
Principal: She spit in your face?
Me: Yes, she did.
Denise tried to shrink back, trying to make herself smaller so people would forget she was even there.
Me: So I lost it because that is the ultimate disrespect being spit in the face. I punched her square in the face and that is how she got the broken nose. She then proceeded to pull my hair, scratch me and try to punch me but the boys broke up the fight.
I showed my scratches and the little bruise I had on my leg from a kick.
Principal: Boys?
Me: Yes Peter and Kyle were there and another boy who doesn’t go to this school.
Denise’s Dad: So then you guys drove her to the hospital, stayed with her until I got there and left.
Me: Yes, we wanted to make sure someone was with her during her stay at the hospital.
Denise’s dad turned to Denise and gave her the scariest look a father could give to his daughter.
In the end I only got a week’s worth of detentions. This is way better than getting expelled or suspended from school. My parents aren’t happy about any of this but hey we live and we learn right? So Now that I have a week’s worth of detention under my belt there is no way I will be able to see Kyle unless he comes over late like Ro does sometimes. And I know I over embellished the story about me being Kyle’s girlfriend but hey we just spent the most amazing weekend together!
Oh I almost forgot as Denise was leaving the office she called me a Bitch. I just laughed and called her a Cunt.
As for if I am grounded I totally am but like I said that ain’t going to stop me. Ro is actually coming over tonight to help me study for my English Lit class tomorrow. I have some quiz and since I wasn’t in class for very long I didn’t get the entire lesson. I have to go he is tapping at my window. Toodles my lovelies :)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Vices
Seriously Fuxs Denise and her Fuxing ugly self. She just pisses me off to the max. Like how could she do this to me. How could she start these rumors about me at school. Like she wasn't even in all fuxing week and I get into school today to be asked "Hey I over heard that your pregnant with that kid Roman's baby, is it true?" Like what the Fux dude, there is not fuxing way I am prego. Seriously I haven't even had sex yet, I just mess around other ways nothing that major. I mean I am only fuxing 14 years old. Like Peter came up to me at lunch today to talk about it because he is looking out for Kyle. I told him it wasn't true that I am still a virgin, never even had sex, sex yet. I quickly call Kyle after talking to Peter because I told Peter I wanted to tell Kyle about the rumor. Peter actually sat outside with me while I talked to him about the whole thing.
So once I told Kyle he asked me and Peter to meet him after school at the Coffee shop. I agreed and told him that I was going to tell Ro to come too so we can all talk this out. He didn't seem to happy about that but I thought it was necessary since the rumor did involve him. So I made Peter stay with me while I talked to Ro about the whole thing. He decided on picking me up from school and Peter so we can just get to the Coffee shop sooner. Once we got out of school Peter told me to hold his arm while walking out of school. Everyone just stared at us and then when they saw Ro standing by his car it didn't help matters either. I mean he wasn't helping the situation by looking all Joaquin Phoenix in Johnny Cash's movie. He had black pants on, a black tight T shirt with a Black jacket over it and Some black shades. His hair is dark but he wears it like Jame Franco wears his hair usually. He just looked all suave and debonair standing by his car waiting for me and Peter. Everyone was whispering about me and Ro, I could feel all their eyes on me.
The weird thing is that strange number texted me again saying that they warned me about who I trusted. That they knew the rumor was false but school won't believe it once the faculty gets a hold of this it will be the end of me. So then I slightly freaked out because if the faculty hear this rumor then my parents will be contacted for sure. Once they hear Ro's name they will know we hang out still and I will be in deep shit.
Once we got to the Coffee Shop I ordered myself and Kyle Caramel Macchiatto's. Ro drinks tea and Peter just had some water. We sat down by a window in the corner and discussed the whole situation. Peter told everyone what he heard and what people were saying about me. So then I told them how I found out it was Denise. I started getting a whole bunch of people who know me and talk to me sometimes asking the same question "is it true?" I told them it was all lies and asked who they heard from. Eventually you track down enough people it will lead back to the source. Apparently this girl Flo saw Denise yesterday night at the Burger Shack with some girl. They exchanged a couple greetings and then Flo asked why Denise wasn't in school this week. Apparently there have been some family issues going on or whatever. Then Flo asked her about the whole Peter thing, because when you go to parties that people from school go to news is bound to travel there was a scuffle. So Denise apparently decided to tell Flo that we were no longer friends because I was a loose girl. Flo asked her what she meant by that and Denise told Flo that apparently I fux everyone. That Ro and I are in some sort of open relationship. That I have been hiding from everyone and Ro that I was knocked up.
That fuxing Bitch! How the fux dare she say such lies about me. When in reality it's Denise who is the loose girl. She even had a prego scare last month when she fux'd Brian from our English class in the fuxing school bathroom. Of course I didn't tell this Flo. I then asked Flo why would she say anything to anyone in school but apparently Denise said it so loud that Debbie Pitts over heard the conversation and joined in to hear details. Once Debbie fuxing Pitts knows something she blabbers her fuxing big ass lips to everyone she knows. So now I have no clue what to do because I really don't want the faculty to know. I cannot afford to get kicked out of school for this nor can I afford to not see Ro anymore. So I came up with a plan to get a couple of girls from school to watch me pee on a couple of Prego tests to show them I am definitely NOT PREGO! I am sure they will go blabber to everyone that it was all a lie. Then tomorrow after school I am going to get Cassie to call Denise to come some where to meet up. Denise won't know that I am there and I will confront the bitch about all her lies. I already asked Flo and Debbie Pitts to be at the park tomorrow after school. I told Cassie the whole thing and she agreed that Denise needed to go down after that rumor. I asked Brian to be there and well Kyle, Peter and Ro will be there for me too. I also asked Peter to bring Meghan just to rub it in Denise's face.
Oh by the way I figured out why Meghan hated me so much. Apparently Denise had her locker close to Meghan the beginning of the school year. While Denise was at her locker talking to GiGi she said very loudly that I can't stand Meghan. Saying how annoying I am when I complain how Meghan is trying to be me and how I called Meghan a cunt. I have never said any of those things about Meghan ever in my entire life. So when Peter told me this I had him call Meghan instantly. He told her I wanted to talk to her and that everything was cool. I told her I never said anything mean about her, that Denise made everything up and that it was in face Denise who hated Meghan. I also told Meghan that I have never had a problem with her and that I would love to smooth things over a cup of Coffee tomorrow. She agreed to be at the park and agreed to the coffee.
Denis is going the fux down in fuxing flames. When I am done with that piece of trash she will be so sorry she ever double crossed me and tried to make my life a living hell. I swear I will ruin her fuxing life tomorrow after noon with all the shit I am going to let out of the woodwork.
So once I told Kyle he asked me and Peter to meet him after school at the Coffee shop. I agreed and told him that I was going to tell Ro to come too so we can all talk this out. He didn't seem to happy about that but I thought it was necessary since the rumor did involve him. So I made Peter stay with me while I talked to Ro about the whole thing. He decided on picking me up from school and Peter so we can just get to the Coffee shop sooner. Once we got out of school Peter told me to hold his arm while walking out of school. Everyone just stared at us and then when they saw Ro standing by his car it didn't help matters either. I mean he wasn't helping the situation by looking all Joaquin Phoenix in Johnny Cash's movie. He had black pants on, a black tight T shirt with a Black jacket over it and Some black shades. His hair is dark but he wears it like Jame Franco wears his hair usually. He just looked all suave and debonair standing by his car waiting for me and Peter. Everyone was whispering about me and Ro, I could feel all their eyes on me.
The weird thing is that strange number texted me again saying that they warned me about who I trusted. That they knew the rumor was false but school won't believe it once the faculty gets a hold of this it will be the end of me. So then I slightly freaked out because if the faculty hear this rumor then my parents will be contacted for sure. Once they hear Ro's name they will know we hang out still and I will be in deep shit.
Once we got to the Coffee Shop I ordered myself and Kyle Caramel Macchiatto's. Ro drinks tea and Peter just had some water. We sat down by a window in the corner and discussed the whole situation. Peter told everyone what he heard and what people were saying about me. So then I told them how I found out it was Denise. I started getting a whole bunch of people who know me and talk to me sometimes asking the same question "is it true?" I told them it was all lies and asked who they heard from. Eventually you track down enough people it will lead back to the source. Apparently this girl Flo saw Denise yesterday night at the Burger Shack with some girl. They exchanged a couple greetings and then Flo asked why Denise wasn't in school this week. Apparently there have been some family issues going on or whatever. Then Flo asked her about the whole Peter thing, because when you go to parties that people from school go to news is bound to travel there was a scuffle. So Denise apparently decided to tell Flo that we were no longer friends because I was a loose girl. Flo asked her what she meant by that and Denise told Flo that apparently I fux everyone. That Ro and I are in some sort of open relationship. That I have been hiding from everyone and Ro that I was knocked up.
That fuxing Bitch! How the fux dare she say such lies about me. When in reality it's Denise who is the loose girl. She even had a prego scare last month when she fux'd Brian from our English class in the fuxing school bathroom. Of course I didn't tell this Flo. I then asked Flo why would she say anything to anyone in school but apparently Denise said it so loud that Debbie Pitts over heard the conversation and joined in to hear details. Once Debbie fuxing Pitts knows something she blabbers her fuxing big ass lips to everyone she knows. So now I have no clue what to do because I really don't want the faculty to know. I cannot afford to get kicked out of school for this nor can I afford to not see Ro anymore. So I came up with a plan to get a couple of girls from school to watch me pee on a couple of Prego tests to show them I am definitely NOT PREGO! I am sure they will go blabber to everyone that it was all a lie. Then tomorrow after school I am going to get Cassie to call Denise to come some where to meet up. Denise won't know that I am there and I will confront the bitch about all her lies. I already asked Flo and Debbie Pitts to be at the park tomorrow after school. I told Cassie the whole thing and she agreed that Denise needed to go down after that rumor. I asked Brian to be there and well Kyle, Peter and Ro will be there for me too. I also asked Peter to bring Meghan just to rub it in Denise's face.
Oh by the way I figured out why Meghan hated me so much. Apparently Denise had her locker close to Meghan the beginning of the school year. While Denise was at her locker talking to GiGi she said very loudly that I can't stand Meghan. Saying how annoying I am when I complain how Meghan is trying to be me and how I called Meghan a cunt. I have never said any of those things about Meghan ever in my entire life. So when Peter told me this I had him call Meghan instantly. He told her I wanted to talk to her and that everything was cool. I told her I never said anything mean about her, that Denise made everything up and that it was in face Denise who hated Meghan. I also told Meghan that I have never had a problem with her and that I would love to smooth things over a cup of Coffee tomorrow. She agreed to be at the park and agreed to the coffee.
Denis is going the fux down in fuxing flames. When I am done with that piece of trash she will be so sorry she ever double crossed me and tried to make my life a living hell. I swear I will ruin her fuxing life tomorrow after noon with all the shit I am going to let out of the woodwork.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Over it
Ro came to get me after school today and well we have been hanging out ever since. We went walking in our favorite park after getting some hot cocoa and let me tell you it was FREEZING out but still nice. Ro wanted to tell me that Jacob has been asking about me a lot and apparently thought I was really cool. Then Ro told me that he thinks Jacob may have a crush on me and that I need to watch out. He then told me the questions that Jacob was asking him like what's my favorite color, place to eat and what kind of music do I like. I say Jacob is crushing hard on me. In a way its kind of cool that I have a college kid crushing on me but in the same sense it's kind of weird because we only hung out one day. Thankfully Ro had my back and said he didn't really pay attention to stuff like that.
Also Ro told me about how he saw Denise and Kyle all chummy at the mall on Sunday. That I should really watch out for Denise because it looked like she was flirting with him hard core. I was completely pissed because I could see her just laughing way to hard at something that wasn't really funny just to make a good impression when really she looks stupid. I could see her trying to subtly push out her boobs and with body language try to get him to notice that she was pushing them out. Ugh she is such a bitch I swear. I told Ro what Kyle told me after coffee yesterday and he freaking flipped shit. He was all amp'd up to go over to her house and bitch her out right then. I had to calm him down and say that I wanted to get her really good. Then we started to talk about Kyle a little bit. I could tell Ro was getting a little antsy so I didn't really push the Kyle issue anymore. I did ask him what he thought about him and I got "Don't really know the kid, sorry"
After we just sat there on the swings sipping our hot cocoa for a little bit. Then out of no where Ro called Denise a Cunt. I just laughed because he never uses that word unless he means it about someone. Ro really can't stand Denise and he was glad to know our friendship was over. He told me how he couldn't stand having to drive her around to places or her having to tag along to parties with us. I know he has my back 100% unlike Denise he is a true best friend.
Anyways Ro plans on taking me over to her house tomorrow after school so I can get my stuff back from her. Then I am going to put her in her place and I hope Cassie is around to hear some of the stuff I have to say. Cassie is Denise's little side kick that she uses just because her family has money. Denise can't really stand Cassie but since she has a hot brother and a cool family she hangs out with Cassie every now and then. I believe she said "Cassie is a spoiled twat who is lucky she even has me as a friend because that girl is seriously a buzz kill." I don't want to hurt Cassie but I want Cassie to realize Denise is not a good friend now instead of later. Maybe I can even text Cassie tonight to talk to her about some things. Maybe I will start inviting her out to places, Denise never really wanted us to get to know each other really well. I think she was afraid we would like each other more and leave her out of the loop. Denise is very controlling and manipulative but I am no longer under Denise's thumb. I remember a time when Denise literally ditched Cassie at the mall once to go hook up with the smoothie guy Greg. Who by the way is really gross but Denise wanted a free smoothie so she let him feel her up and she gave him a hand job. Seriously I would of rather paid the money instead of give up my dignity like that for a smoothie. I guess that just shows how much of a skank and not a good friend she is huh?
I have to go Kyle is calling me right now and I really just want to talk to him. He is sort of calming, maybe I'll get him to come over and hang out with me since I don't think I can sleep tonight, too riled up!
Also Ro told me about how he saw Denise and Kyle all chummy at the mall on Sunday. That I should really watch out for Denise because it looked like she was flirting with him hard core. I was completely pissed because I could see her just laughing way to hard at something that wasn't really funny just to make a good impression when really she looks stupid. I could see her trying to subtly push out her boobs and with body language try to get him to notice that she was pushing them out. Ugh she is such a bitch I swear. I told Ro what Kyle told me after coffee yesterday and he freaking flipped shit. He was all amp'd up to go over to her house and bitch her out right then. I had to calm him down and say that I wanted to get her really good. Then we started to talk about Kyle a little bit. I could tell Ro was getting a little antsy so I didn't really push the Kyle issue anymore. I did ask him what he thought about him and I got "Don't really know the kid, sorry"
After we just sat there on the swings sipping our hot cocoa for a little bit. Then out of no where Ro called Denise a Cunt. I just laughed because he never uses that word unless he means it about someone. Ro really can't stand Denise and he was glad to know our friendship was over. He told me how he couldn't stand having to drive her around to places or her having to tag along to parties with us. I know he has my back 100% unlike Denise he is a true best friend.
Anyways Ro plans on taking me over to her house tomorrow after school so I can get my stuff back from her. Then I am going to put her in her place and I hope Cassie is around to hear some of the stuff I have to say. Cassie is Denise's little side kick that she uses just because her family has money. Denise can't really stand Cassie but since she has a hot brother and a cool family she hangs out with Cassie every now and then. I believe she said "Cassie is a spoiled twat who is lucky she even has me as a friend because that girl is seriously a buzz kill." I don't want to hurt Cassie but I want Cassie to realize Denise is not a good friend now instead of later. Maybe I can even text Cassie tonight to talk to her about some things. Maybe I will start inviting her out to places, Denise never really wanted us to get to know each other really well. I think she was afraid we would like each other more and leave her out of the loop. Denise is very controlling and manipulative but I am no longer under Denise's thumb. I remember a time when Denise literally ditched Cassie at the mall once to go hook up with the smoothie guy Greg. Who by the way is really gross but Denise wanted a free smoothie so she let him feel her up and she gave him a hand job. Seriously I would of rather paid the money instead of give up my dignity like that for a smoothie. I guess that just shows how much of a skank and not a good friend she is huh?
I have to go Kyle is calling me right now and I really just want to talk to him. He is sort of calming, maybe I'll get him to come over and hang out with me since I don't think I can sleep tonight, too riled up!
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